About Me

mom of three, wife of one, baker, quilter, coffee drinker.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Sometimes I forget that I may be a little more list-crazy than the average person.  Without lists, I am like rudderless boat adrift at sea (to use a poetic simile) - I get nowhere. And I tend to get a little anxious, like I am forgetting something. I tend to become a littel overwhelmed, and feel like I am forgetting something. I tend to repeat myself, and I drive others crazy with my verbal reminders of what I want/need to do.

I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in my early 20's. I went in to see a psychiatrist on my own, after a couple years of being a very unproductive employee at a desk job. I suspect, had I been grade-school age in the 1990's/2000's, in a city, I would have been diagnosed by the time I was 10. But, ADD/ ADHD were not really mainstream concepts when I was in school.  I have trouble focussing on one thing, as all the other possibilities of things to do, to read, to make flood my mind. I have trouble prioritizing my time. My list-making is a survival mechanism, and a better alternative for me than taking medications. (I tried the Ritalin for a few months, and it made me feel even more anxious and weirdly energetic, but slightly high - the same way DayQuil Liqui-Caps affect my body - yucky!)

I am tempted to centralize all my lists into one place, but that would require me re-writing all of them.
My list of lists:
- Tasks: -To do today
             - This week
             - Each month
- Craft/ Creative/ Sewing Projects for self
- Sewing projects to sell
- House maintenance/ repairs (room by room)
- Christmas present ideas for family
- Christmas card list
- Books to read
- Baby names (on going, as we come across cool names)
- Things I want to get rid of, sell or donate
- Unfinished projects (excluding house items)
- Future new vehicle ideas
- Places to go with a toddler
- Due date list for friends' babies
- Purchasing wish list/ wait list (new microwave, external hard-drive etc)
- Blogs I read
- List of diapers we have and what sizes they fit
- Amazon.ca wishlist, Amazon.com wishlist (oops)
- List of files in our filing cabinet
- Phone lists

I'm sure there are more, but you probably get my point already!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The benefits of company

I have to admit, that one reason I love to host playdates and visit company at home is that my house gets clean quicker.  It may not be a deep clean, but clean enough to avoid embarassement. I know that some people may not think that is the best motivation for tidying up every day, but it works for me!  Tomorrow I am getting a visit from a high school friend whose children are almost the exact same age as mine. I haven't seen her since I bumped into her on the C-train in 2000 or 2001, so I was definitely compelled to clean, as to not scare her away! (And I threw in a good scrub of the stovetop for good measure - I try to get that done at least once a month, usually the day before my mother-in-law arrives)

Friday, September 17, 2010

Day One?

I may count tonight as Day One of trying to get Miss E to get to sleep on her own.
It was a struggle, considering I missed my chance to even attempt to get her down for a nap before 1:30pm, and my misguided attempt to zonk her out in the car at 4:15 failed too. (good thing)
I managed to get both kids in the bath by 6:45pm, and Teagan was fed & in bed by 7:15, but he only slept for about an hour, then was up again.  I got him asleep again while watching Franklin with Evey, just in time to turn off the TV before the nefarious Toopy & Binoo started. We had a quick snack of yogourt, then she started to whine, etc because she was so tired.  Straight to bed.

I laid her down with her two stuffed kitties, all tucked in under the quilts and she passed through several states of tired: cozy and happy and content, fighting sleep and wanting to wrap herself around my neck, standing up and trying to crawl into my lap etc. etc.  I finally got her to settle while I sat on the edge of her bed and leaned over her, while she had one arm around my neck. When her breathing slowed, I took her arm off, set it on her tummy, waited a few minutes then bolted. (then straight to the basement to crack a dusty bottle of wine*). I count this night as closer to just sitting next to her, than actually having to lay next to her under the covers in full choke hold.

I figure this is going to be much like weaning her from the boob. The first few nights will be loud and rough to listen to (for Ryan), but it really shouldn't take more than a week for her to get with the program. I hope.**

*Normally I don't drink when breastfeeding, but I figured that if Teagan was able to sleep through 45 minutes of Evey's screams and pounding on the shared wall between their rooms, he would not awaken to nurse before the alchohol is out of my system from one glass. I really needed it to get the echoes out of my skull.  His first wakings after 8pm bedtimes seem to be 2am at the earliest, so I should be golden.

**I weaned her at 14 months, when I was about a month and a half pregnant. She was wanting to nurse 8-9 times a night (oh yes!), and I was getting very annoyed and tired. Then I started to get a blister on one side, which told me that I likely didn't have any milk, so we stopped cold turkey the next day.  I did need to nurse her on the 3rd day to get her down for a nap, and help get the engorgement down. After that we were both fine.  I really wanted to have at least 7 months off before the next baby wanted a piece of me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

I am getting quite frustrated with Evey's sleep. I feel like after 2 years, we should be able to just put her in bed, read her a story, turn of the light and let her sleep. Not in this universe!

If we miss our window of tiredness with her, by even a few minutes, then she is up until 10. Last night she fought sleep until 1am. Not cool.  I think part of OUR problem, is that we let her watch T.V in the evening,  after playtime and bath, and we won't pull her away from the show in the middle of it.  We also don't like confrontation, because we are afraid the crying and carrying on could wake Teagan.  Obviously this approach to bedtime is not working.

I figure there are three gentle approaches we could take:
    1. No Cry Sleep Solution - ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE
    2. Baby Whisperer for Toddlers - shush, and put back in bed
    3. Supernanny approach - keep putting them back in bed, no talking, slowly move yourself out of the room.
I need to refresh myself on these techniques just to get a good grasp of them.  Regardless of which option we go with, we need to push an earlier bedtime. Earlier like 7pm, even if it means Daddy doesn't get much evening playtime during the week.

The benefits of getting Evey to sleep earlier are obvious - she'll be less tired, we'll have more time in the evenings to get chores done when we still have energy and Ryan and I might actually be able to spend some quality time with each other. (And I might be able to start sewing more, and maybe start making some money doing it.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I sat in the tub 'til I looked like a prune

I don't know that I was ever so body obsessed as I have been since I became pregnant with my first child. Thinking about what is going into my body, thinking about what is coming out of my body, thinking about how big I am getting or how small I may become. I honestly was not this bad as a developing teenager, I am sure of it. Laying in the tub tonight (first un-interrupted bath in over a year), glancing at my post-baby #2 body, it got me thinking about how having kids really DOES take a toll on a woman's body (and mind).

I think I have fared pretty well. Fully clothed, in properly supportive bra, I probably look much the same as my 22 year old self (before I became gainfully employed and gained 20 pounds because I could AFFORD to eat and I could drive everywhere). But once the clothes come off, not so much. Gravity takes hold. Bold blue veins glow across my entire chest. There are stretch marks that no cream will make disappear. And my insides - well, I know they've been re-arranged. I don't dwell on what my body has become, but I do wonder how much more it will change.

I have been lucky, that I am down the (unhealthy) 20 pounds that I gained during 10 years of working. so I wonder if I can lose more, or if I even should. I have never been an exerciser, so I wonder if it is possible to take all my mommy mushiness and tighten it up. I daydream about being able to do yoga daily to get a stronger core and not feel all cramped up in my muscles all day. I aspire to eating the nutritionally balanced meals and snacks that I have written out on my fridge. It really comes down to two things: time and motivation.

Right now my main priorities have been to keep my family fed, the bills paid and still try to visit at least one friend outside of the house. I would love to do more quilting. I would love to catch up on my long neglected photo albums. I would love to exercise. But when I have a spare moment, inertia hits, or laundry, or checking my email the 50th time hoping for a playdate proposal or facebook update. lame lame lame. Granted I have ALWAYS had a wishlist/ to do list that is impossibly long, and I have long accepted that it will never end. I just like to do, and always have new ideas for projects to start. But this ramble is an entirely new post.

Body-wise I DO need to be more accountable to my health, vanity aside. I am hoping to breastfeed my son until he is at least a year old, and I need to make sure that I am eating properly. Getting up a little earlier in the morning to stretch out and do yoga can only be a benefit to my health and state of mind - provided I go to bed sooner than the 2 am curfew I seem to be on the past 2 weeks. I would like to feel energetic during the day so I can be a better mom (and maybe feel motivated enough to squeeze in some sewing or proper housekeeping instead of wasting time on the internet).

Anyways. I am a girl of many goals, so just picking one to focus on for a few weeks may be my best bet.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I'm a bad mommy blogger, and other ramblings

So since I posted last:
Evey had both her 1st and 2nd birthdays.
I had a son in June 2010.
That pretty much sums up my life in the last 15 months!
It's not that I don't have much to say about the day to day of motherhood. I have literally written volumes since Evey was born - I just tend to be an old fashioned pen and paper journaller. (I'm halfway through Volume 44 after 22 years of writing.)

This last year and a bit of motherhood has not been that overwhelming. It could be lack of decent sleep that adds the rosy lens maybe? But I haven't felt that bad. Scarily enough, I was already considering a 3rd child while I was still in recovery with #2. *shake of head* Silly me!
I am finding the hardest struggles to be this:
Getting Evey to nap before 2pm
Getting Evey to bed before 10 pm
Getting Evey to sleep without being in a choker hold hug.
Having the kitchen/house in a state at least one step below chaos before Daddy comes home from work.
(notice a trend?)
God love him, Teagan is an awesome sleeper (right now, I'll add, in order to not jinx myself), so much of the nap/bedtime struggles occur after he has zonked out. I'll admit that during the first few weeks, I felt like a ping pong ball going between their two rooms and ours, but by 2.5-3 months, he started sleeping 8-12 hours stretches. Sweet. The first morning that I woke up after 7.5 hours of solid sleep, I had two thoughts: 1. Why is it still dark outside and I'm wide awake and 2. Oh my god is my baby alive?. Seriously, I had to check his breathing, then pick him up and feed him to make myself feel better. I love my son! I love Evey too, but it is not because of her sleeping habits! I may post about my progress with her sleep, once I can actually commit to getting a firm bedtime routine down.

It's not to say that I haven't been tired. I spend a great deal of time feeding Teagan during the day, and when I have a moment free, I am more likely to rest than run around trying to fold clothes or what not. Ryan has really done a lot around the house, but I think my window of semi-laziness should be coming to a close soon, because I can't burn out the one person who is actually bringing money into the house by having him working day and night.

That is another series of changes that might be good to publicize for some accountability.

I am not aiming to be supermom - I just don't want to be lazy mom who watches t.v and is on the computer all the time while her kids run rampant around the house (because that's what many days seem like around here!) I just don't feel comfortable with the way our routine has become. I know I have a newborn, but I am a goal-oriented person, and I need something a little more structured to work towards.

Here's hoping that I get at least one more post in before September 2011! (and that I am not blogging about baby #3 arriving before then.)