I don't know that I was ever so body obsessed as I have been since I became pregnant with my first child. Thinking about what is going into my body, thinking about what is coming out of my body, thinking about how big I am getting or how small I may become. I honestly was not this bad as a developing teenager, I am sure of it. Laying in the tub tonight (first un-interrupted bath in over a year), glancing at my post-baby #2 body, it got me thinking about how having kids really DOES take a toll on a woman's body (and mind).
I think I have fared pretty well. Fully clothed, in properly supportive bra, I probably look much the same as my 22 year old self (before I became gainfully employed and gained 20 pounds because I could AFFORD to eat and I could drive everywhere). But once the clothes come off, not so much. Gravity takes hold. Bold blue veins glow across my entire chest. There are stretch marks that no cream will make disappear. And my insides - well, I know they've been re-arranged. I don't dwell on what my body has become, but I do wonder how much more it will change.
I have been lucky, that I am down the (unhealthy) 20 pounds that I gained during 10 years of working. so I wonder if I can lose more, or if I even should. I have never been an exerciser, so I wonder if it is possible to take all my mommy mushiness and tighten it up. I daydream about being able to do yoga daily to get a stronger core and not feel all cramped up in my muscles all day. I aspire to eating the nutritionally balanced meals and snacks that I have written out on my fridge. It really comes down to two things: time and motivation.
Right now my main priorities have been to keep my family fed, the bills paid and still try to visit at least one friend outside of the house. I would love to do more quilting. I would love to catch up on my long neglected photo albums. I would love to exercise. But when I have a spare moment, inertia hits, or laundry, or checking my email the 50th time hoping for a playdate proposal or facebook update. lame lame lame. Granted I have ALWAYS had a wishlist/ to do list that is impossibly long, and I have long accepted that it will never end. I just like to do, and always have new ideas for projects to start. But this ramble is an entirely new post.
Body-wise I DO need to be more accountable to my health, vanity aside. I am hoping to breastfeed my son until he is at least a year old, and I need to make sure that I am eating properly. Getting up a little earlier in the morning to stretch out and do yoga can only be a benefit to my health and state of mind - provided I go to bed sooner than the 2 am curfew I seem to be on the past 2 weeks. I would like to feel energetic during the day so I can be a better mom (and maybe feel motivated enough to squeeze in some sewing or proper housekeeping instead of wasting time on the internet).
Anyways. I am a girl of many goals, so just picking one to focus on for a few weeks may be my best bet.